there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you win again, gameday.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
