Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
