see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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