things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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