So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
