my phone needs a breathalizer
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
