Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
