i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
