I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
