hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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