Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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