Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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