If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize