id be glad to
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
