she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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