I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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