Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
