So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
