Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
