So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
