I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
