Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I believe in your delicious
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
