saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
