i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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