I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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