I showed him my bush... on skype.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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