lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
