Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
