I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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