batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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