So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
