She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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