the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
