some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
