Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
