you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
