Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize