As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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