i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
