Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
