She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
