don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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