she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
