What did we do last night that was yellow?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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