Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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