Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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