did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
