what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
