would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
