I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
