too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
