If that was your dad, he is hot
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
