Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
