it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
