I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
