just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I party with great urgency now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize