I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
