I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
