I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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