goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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