woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
