CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
