My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
